A New Chapter

Have you ever been so exhausted that you weren't sure you even had the energy to keep breathing? Well, that's how I've been feeling these past few months. Hence, the absence from my blogs. I haven't forgotten about you, but I just have not had the time or energy to blog, and here's why.

These past few months have been messy. Yeah, that's a good word for it. Messy. Last year, I started two things, and never finished them: Massage Therapy School and School Nurse Certification courses. I decided I finally needed to change that. I returned to massage therapy school in October and, as a last minute decision of now or never, I was able to pull things together to register for not one, but two, graduate courses at Eastern University to complete my courses for my School Nurse Certification. So, since January, I have been spending Mondays in the schools for nursing and Tuesdays through Fridays at school for massage therapy. Well, mostly. Weekends have then been spent working, mostly night shifts, to try and keep my house out of foreclosure. I have been so exhausted and overwhelmed, there have been many days I haven't been able to get to where I needed to be. It has been a long, dark winter. But! I am happy to report that I have 2 days of massage therapy left, and only three weeks of grad coursework remaining as well. There were many moments these past few months that I wanted to give up. Many moments were I did give up…but only for that moment. Somehow, I was able to pick myself back up and keep going.

In honor of surviving this past winter, which is exactly what I did, survive. I decided to do something for myself last weekend. Back in January, I discovered a little show on Netflix called Heartland. Although I may have spent more time watching Heartland than sleeping or going to classes, I realized something about myself from watching this show. You see, this show is initially about a family that comes together in a time of great loss and overwhelming circumstances. It's about people who overcome adversity and carry on, no matter how great the pain. It's about restoring relationships, or figuring out if you're O.K. alone. And, that is exactly what I needed to realize in my own life. I became so enthralled with this show and the stories, that I sought out the actors on social media (and quickly discovered just how beautiful they are off screen as well). I watched about every interview on YouTube and am now actively participating with fellow Heartland fans on different fan pages. You might think I'm pathetic, but these people get me. They understand the powerful impact a show like this can have on someone who is going through a rough time. Which brings me to last weekend.

I drove about 9.5 hours north, starting at 2am Saturday morning, to a little town called Markham, Ontario. (That's just north of Toronto for my non-Canadian friends, which is most of you...) I decided to go there because three of the actors from Heartland were there to host and put on a show Saturday and Sunday evenings. While there, I met people many people just like me. People who need vicarious lives to live because they don't have the energy or health to do it for themselves. Last weekend was technically about me; but it became about us. A chance to do something crazy for ourselves. I know it’s been quite some time since I did something for me, and I am so glad I decided to go through with it!

So, now that I am back, it is becoming very surreal that as I am nearing the completion of two big things in my life, I am also nearing the beginning of a new chapter in my life. In all honesty, I have no idea what that chapter will look like. But, between my interactions and feedback last weekend, and some extremely affirming interactions since returning from my excursion, I know that this website, blog, and ministry will definitely be an integral part of my future. I have been given a story to tell, and I would be amiss to keep quiet. The conversations about anxiety and depression absolutely must happen. And, if I don’t initiate those conversations, who will?

Galations 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

But how can we bear one another’s burdens if we never share them in the first place? If the sharing of my burdens helps others feel enabled to share their burdens, it can only make us all stronger. There is no shame in being ‘not okay.’ In fact, maybe it’s okay to be not okay. See the video below for the great new song by We Are Messengers. Let’s promise to be ‘not okay’ together.

https://youtu.be/hl5GcRrJLyw