This week has been an emotional week, but in a good way. The past few years, I have started many things, but have not been able to complete most of them. My Master's of Science in Forensic Medicine, Massage Therapy School, and the requirements for School Nurse Certification to name a few.
In the fall of 2017, I started Massage Therapy School because I was sick of medicine being the only option being 'advertised' for chronic pain relief. I had to drop out because my anxiety and depression were at all time highs. I wasn't able to work, and there were days I could barely walk due to a flare up of my back injury. Things spiraled into a dark abyss so fast that I had no idea which way was up. Things felt like they were just going from bad to worse.
In February 2018, I started physical therapy for my back. It would take almost 4 months of therapy for me to be able to sit for more than 10 minutes at a time pain free, let alone walk, run, or jump. I attribute the success of my PT to the fact that my therapist was very a-tuned to correcting the problem; my muscles. I have been through PT for my back before, but they only ever focused on strengthening, not fixing. And guess how she fixed my muscles? That's right, lots of massage! (She became uncomfortably familiar with my butt as my gluts were/are completely messed up!) I knew after experiencing such success with the help of massage, I had to return to school. (PS, I am still able to do all kinds of physical stuff thanks to continued massage sessions as well as regular chiropractic care!!)
In late October, I returned to Lancaster School of Cosmetology. I was anxious, very anxious. You see, things didn't end so well with my instructor and classmates last year. I was extremely nervous that things would turn out the same again this year. But, my new class welcomed me with open hearts and minds. I instantly bonded with them and it wasn't long before we all forgot that I hadn't been with them from the very beginning. All seemed to be going great, for a few weeks. Then it hit...again...that nasty depression reared it's ugly head once again.
I missed a LOT of class...again. There were days I actually did give up. I surrendered to the comfort of my bed instead of attending class. But, they never gave up on me. My teacher, my classmates, and other staff at the school continued to support and encourage me. Somehow, they kept the light burning at the end of the tunnel.
Tuesday. April 16th, 2019. I graduated from Massage Therapy School. I finally completed something. The next morning, I didn't have to get up for school, but I got up to go take my licensing exam. And I passed. Now, I am just waiting for the state to issue my license.
Considering I have completed an Associate's Degree, 2 Bachelor's Degrees, and numerous graduate courses in the past, this small task may seem menial. But, for me, it was HUGE. It has been years since I have conquered a mountain of such great magnitude in my life. Tuesday morning, just before graduation, our teacher had us pick Affirmation cards. The following was my card:
"PERSEVERANCE - It seems you're on a massive journey right now, and this card has arrived to remind you that you will reach the other side. The mountain you're climbing is huge and formidable, but so is your ability to climb it. You don't need to enjoy it, you just need to tackle it. Complain if it makes the job easier. Blow off steam. You think mountain climbers get to the top of Everest on inspirational quotes? No way. They're grunting, and crying, and cursing like freakin' pirates. That just doesn't sell a lot of posters."
I was in tears after the first sentence. I have been saying for a while now that I am on a journey and I really did need the reminder that I can get to to the other side. As I sit here with tears still streaming down my face, I realize how close I am to completing another thing I dropped last year as well. I have about two more weeks until I will have completed the requirements for my School Nurse Certification. If you would have asked me even just a few weeks ago if I would be this close to accomplishing not one, but two things this month, I would have said, "No way." But, here I am. Climbing this mountain. Putting one foot in front of the other. And with perseverance, I WILL reach the other side.
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